​Dear God

I was standing outside drinking  coffee and I thought I have been living the same life every year and I wondered how will my life change in a years time?

I do not want to worry anymore. All I really want is to have a fulfilled and peaceful life.. I want to be happy.

I know there are people who do not have a belief in me and my capabilities. All I ask is that you help me to not lose the faith that I have in myself. I believe I should have it but there are those times like now that I lose it and allow people’s  doubts stick in my mind.

I think that is why I am afraid of him. I think that is why I cannot approach him because I expect a certain reaction from him. I expect him to be critical of the work I have done.  My problem is that he does not give me a chance to say what I need to say. He always jumps in without letting me finish my sentence.  When will he ever know what I am trying to say to him when he does not allow me to say anything without him jumping to conclusions and adding insults to the criticism. 

When I get the criticized from him I tend to defend myself. I tend to speak a little louder so that he can hear me but I lose my voice as he tries to have the last say. 

After talking to him I feel lost. I feel uncomfortable with myself. At the same time I realised that I should express myself clearer for him to understand what I am trying to say instead of trying to stand up for myself and getting my own way.

I can feel the fear inside of me. I can feel the uncomfortable feeling inside of me. I want to get it out of me. The question I have for you Lord is why am I afraid of specific people in my life and how do I get these feelings out of me?

All I ever wanted was for him to accept me for who I am. All I ever wanted was a genuine praise from him for the work I have done.

Is that so hard for him to see?

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