Dear God

I couldn’t sleep well last night. It was too hot and I could hear the sound of a mosquito inside my bedroom. Before I fell asleep I made a note for next time to close the windows before it gets dark as I couldn’t stand the noise. 

In my sleep I could hear the rain outside. I looked at my watch and thought by the time I need to go to Church the rain would have subsided. I turned off the alarm and noticed a message on my phone.

My first Christmas message had come through. I replied to it and fell asleep again. I woke up at 09:00am. I was late for church. It was still raining outside and I knew I wouldn’t make it on time.

The second option was to turn on the t.v. and listen to the sermons they had to offer.

A while later I stood outside to get fresh air. It was drizzling a bit. I looked up at the cloudy sky and thought ‘ the day I was dreading has finally come.’

I thought of not going ahead with the plans I had for the day when a second thought came into my mind ‘ you are not alone, you can celebrate Christmas with your mother.’

I closed the door behind me and cried. I looked at her photo and I thanked her. I wished her a merry christmas and decided to get ready for the day.

I started sending seasons greetings messages to everyone I knew. I spent some time reading a book and when I looked at my phone again it was time to prepare lunch. 

I took out all the ingredients and put them on the kitchen counter. While I was preparing the lunch I felt peace come over me and I began to get excited. 

My phone rang and had a chat with her about what she was doing and how my preparations were going. Before saying goodbye she asked if I could send her a photo of my meal. 

I was excited to hear from her and promised to send her the photo.

The recipe was so simple and the meal was delicious.

I washed the dishes, put on a DVD to watch.

After the movie I went outside to stretch my legs when I realised how happy I was. I was happy because I accomplished what I had planned to do. I took a moment to say thank you to God and realised it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

Later on I thought I shouldn’t be happy and I knew that this was not right and it was not the first time I thought this way. 

To remove the negative thoughts I repeated the words thank you Lord because I knew I deserved to be happy and I gave myself the permission to enjoy the feeling of accomplishment.

 I could have given up and felt sorry for myself but I gave myself a  chance to experience love and acceptance of oneself.

I gave myself a chance.

I thank you Lord for a beautiful day.

I hope you had an amazing Christmas full of love and happiness.

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