Dear God,

To acknowledge your feelings hurts. When they hit you, you can’t do anything about it, even the things you did in the past to numb the pain you are feeling are not helping at all. 

This is what I am going through right now.

The counsellor likes to say “What I am about to say is going to sound bad but I am glad you are going through this.”

I would sit there and ask myself what is good about feeling this way?

She would continue “All I want you to do is to feel and to stop trying to avoid  your feelings”

My other question is, what do I do after I acknowledge my feelings?

What is the next step to take?

I think that is bothering me more than anything else. I cannot see myself going through this again and not knowing where to go from here.

1. What are the triggers?

As I was trying to explain why I was feeling so much anger, she stopped me from talking and asked what the trigger was for my anger?

I snapped at her because I was tired of these questions during our sessions. I did not want to think about it or entertain this line of questioning that I apologised and told her I did not know.

As I think about it now, the trigger of my anger is the treatment I receive from other people. I give and give but I am not getting anything in return.

Almost every time in our session she tries to get me to accept that people are selfish and I will never get what I need from other people. I think that hurts the most,the disappointment I feel from that truth.

2. What is the point of having relationship with people in your life if they will only disappoint you?

I have heard people in my life say how kind I am and how they like the way I think. 

How is it then, they use the person I am against me? 

Why can’t they accept me for who I am and let our relationship grow stronger?

Am I supposed to let go of the people I know, to ease the pain?

I am stuck with these questions that need answers.

The answer she had for me was to accepts that people will not always give you what you want and to stop having such high expectations of people that will eventually disappoint you.

How do I change so that I do not feel so much pain?

How do I protect myself from being hurt?

How do I learn to accept that people will not treat me the way I treat them?

“It comes with practice.”