Dear Amy G,
When I received notification of your new post titled ‘The Bathroom Floor’, I was not going to read it at all. I am glad to not have discarded it. It has made an impact on me and I am grateful to you for taking the time to put something like it on paper.
I would like to share my story with you.
I remember two weeks ago I was on the bathroom floor. I did not want to talk to anybody about what I was going through or to think about it. It was easier for me to ignore those feelings.
The situation that led me to the bathroom floor moment was the lack of belief in myself. I was given a task that freaked me out. I remember how I watched everyone comfortably do their task but I knew I was not ready for what people had expected of me. I was given a chance to step outside my comfort zone and I froze.
The feeling of not being good enough affected me emotionally and physically which in turn affected my health. It began with a headache and nausea. I tried to drink some headache tablets but this did not ease the pain I felt. I suffered sleepless night and lack of appetite because of the pain, worry and anxiety.
I remember the day I ate my breakfast when I rushed to the bathroom to flush out the remainder of the food I just had.
I knew what was happening. I felt overwhelmed and afraid of failing on this project. I had no one to turn to, I was afraid to speak up because I did not want everyone thinking I was not coping.
I was tired and unhappy.
I even asked God why he allowed this to happen to me. I was really angry with him.
I had plans to go out with people over the weekend but I cancelled on them. I felt weak. I did not want to be around people when I was feeling this way. I knew I was not going to be good company. I wanted to hide from the world and locked myself inside the house.
I did nothing. I cried and slept the whole weekend. I remember drinking a lot of water to calm the nausea I still felt in my stomach. All I had to eat was dry toast and popcorn.
This eased the nausea a little. I began to feel comfortable again.
At the end of it, I knew I had to accept the way I felt and somehow surrender and let go of my problem. This decision gave me the strength I needed.
During this period things were happening around me. Miracles were taking place for close friends and family.
– Healing, a person who was in hospital at the beginning of the year got great news that the clot in her brain had disappeared. She is getting stronger every day, jogging and keeping herself healthy.
– Someone getting and nailing an interview after two years of unemployment. A contract is being drawn up for her. She is starting a new job in May.
– Someone struggling with drug abuse for so many years. She got tired of living this way and decided to get help. She went to rehab.
These miracles showed me that anything is possible with God and things only happen in his own time as long as we are patient and put our trust in him fully.
The second weekend after I read your post I decided to take those baby steps. I took my car to the car wash after months of neglect, I went to church Sunday morning and after the service I went to watch a movie by myself.
I still felt uncomfortable to be around other people and I was okay with spending time alone doing things I enjoyed doing.
As I was saying my prayers at night the words, I have not forgotten nor forsaken you crossed my mind.
The correct saying is ” I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you” Hebrews 13:5
I shed a tear because during the episode of the past two weeks I felt alone but God reminded me that I was never alone.
In that state, I chose to forget that.
I thank you for your post. It was just what I needed at the time and a reminder that whatever I am going through, all I can really do is show up, do my best and allow God to do the rest.